My secret to growth and improvement is simple, being competitive with myself. Let me explain.

Baby Brother

I am the youngest of five with eight plus years separating me from the other four. A mistake, maybe; a surprise, probably; The Golden Child, no doubt. It all depends on who you ask.

Competition was ingrained in me.

We loved playing games as kids. Be it sports, boardgames, throw the ball at the lamp (sorry mom), really any chance we got to try our hand at something fun and stack ourselves up to each other.   

Being so much younger than my siblings put me at a disadvantage with most competitive activities. For a long time, my brothers and sisters were faster, stronger and smarter than me and the only victories I experienced were prearranged. They would let me win sometimes but made sure to keep me humble if I got too full of myself. 

As I got older, stronger and smarter, the level of competition rose, and the playing field had evened out. As I look back, I realize the slow progression to actual wins taught me so many lessons.

How to Gain an Edge

I learned to dig deep for whatever advantage I could find. There are many ways to reach a goal, and sometimes getting creative is the only option. 

There is a card game called rummy 500 that I played with my sisters often. The point of the game is to get to 500 points before your opponent.  I lost…a lot. But I will never forget my first win. 

It was the usual one-sided affair and my sister was collecting points without effort. Then I remembered a rule. If I ended the round and she had points still in her hand, she had to subtract those from her total. I closed the round quickly and she recorded negative points! This is not the most exciting way to play the game, but it worked, and I won! 

She caught on and proceeded to beat me several times after that, but the seed of finding a way to win was planted, and I knew my future in games was not hopeless.

How to Lose with Grace

As I mentioned, losing was a regular occurrence for me. I didn’t take it well most times. The pouting or quitting before the end of the game was my M.O. My young age usually granted a pass with some eye rolls, but the game would continue without me. If I wanted to keep playing, I had to learn to get beyond my ego and get back into the contest. 

I had to understand that losing was part of the game, and not the end of the world. 

Having Consideration While Winning

As I got older, winning games or challenges started to happen organically. But because I lost so much early on, I knew how the other side felt. 

There was a friend of mine who was really good at basketball. He was the best shooter in our group and he knew it. He was also one of the worst winners I have met in my life. After every buzzer beater a loud “Whooooooooo!” would be heard around the neighborhood. Anger brewed inside of me every time I heard that sound. I was stronger than him, and in those moments wanted to wrestle him to the ground and make him cry. 

Instead, I used that strength advantage to be more aggressive in the next game and made sure to come out with the win. As much as I would have loved to reciprocate the gloating, I found myself enjoying the silent victory and would watch him complain and fitfully throw things (he was a terrible loser as well). 

The quiet, confident victor wins both inside and out.

Competing with Myself

As an adult, I’m not involved in as many heated competitions as I once was. But I have not lost my competitive spirit. I have turned the tables and found a way to compete with myself to be the best husband/father/friend that I can be.    

Everyday Challenge

Competitive (non) Drinking

When I decided to stop drinking, I had to re-wire my brain not to grab a beer for Sunday football, or at the campfire. I wanted to see what being completely sober felt like, so the challenge was set, and I wanted to win. 

After only a few weeks, I was more alert and present with my family. 

After a few months, I was physically fit and mentally sharper. 

Now two years in, I have no intention of going back to booze and I look forward to the continued compounding results.

After seeing how great my life could be with that one change, I wanted to explore what else I could improve. 

Competitive Exercise

Working out was next on the list. Could I do something active every day for a week? A month? A year? I took days off, sure, but regular exercise gave me energy, helped me drop below college weight, and build muscles I didn’t know I had! 

Developing a routine to be active daily is now a habit. 

Competitive Finances

I was 2 for 2 and wanted to keep going.

Our finances were an issue. I was making a decent paycheck but had credit card debt, stagnant savings and the checking account balance was somehow at $0 every two weeks. My excuse was that we were living beyond our means and I needed to make more money in order to get ahead. This was somewhat true, but I wanted to be better with what we had. 

I read a ton of books on personal finance. I learned about personal systems that I could implement to knock out our debt, invest regularly, and set aside some emergency cash.   

In a month I was able to bring our “bad” debt down to $0. I set up auto payments for all bills and auto transfers to savings and investment accounts. I switched all of our spending to the best reward credit card available and pay it off every month. 

Our financial past is cleaned up, present is free and organized, and future is on target for success. 

“True victory is self-victory; let that day arrive quickly”

– Morihei Ueshiba

Winning feels great. It gives me confidence in my ability to succeed and lessens the blow of any loss I encounter. I can see beyond any short-term setback, learn from it, and move forward.