“It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live.”

― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

I am 3 months away (2 ½ but who’s counting) from reaching 40 years of age. 39 is still considered young in our society, but for some reason, the upcoming milestone has made me consider how much time I have left. 

I think about the average life expectancy in the US (77.3). I am more than halfway there, if I’m lucky, and that bums me out. However, my amazing grandmother is 98 years old and still very healthy.  My genes give me hope!

I can spend too much energy dwelling on time spent and time remaining if I allow my mind to run my life. I find that addressing the past and future is an effective way for me to be clear in my intentions and move forward. So, here we go.

A Good Hand

I am fully aware of my privileges in life. I grew up with a strong family foundation, and never wanted for much. Both of my parents worked very hard to be able to provide for us, and my brothers and sisters were my best friends growing up. I did not experience a ton of loss, I have had a good career for 17 years, and I am happily married with two healthy sons. I should shut up and stop complaining, right?

Hear me out.

I have been coasting for most of my life, which can be extremely damaging to the soul. Without much adversity, comfort became the norm and pushing my limits was not a priority. I wasn’t forced to grow up too soon, so grew up too slowly.

Now that I am a father, I listen to my boys whine when the house is below 72° or there is a faint feeling of hunger in the stomachs. I can’t blame them. All of their essential needs are met daily and they feel entitled to these comforts.

I want more for them, and more for myself.

Death for All

Death is not necessarily fun to talk about, but the reality is we all must face it at some point. The problem is, no one knows when.

Throughout my 30s I started to hear about people around my age passing away for various reasons. I had a good friend pass away at 38 from a heart attack. I was seeing posts on Facebook of people I went to high school with dying from drug overdoses or other random causes. At first, I would brush them aside as anomalies, but then I realized death is something I will encounter more and more as I get older. 

That sucks.

Here is the good news for me. I am alive right now.

How I Live My Days

There are so many cliché sayings “live like today is your last”, or “the future is promised to no one”, but they are TRUE!! I could be here for 10 more min, or 50 more years. 

The best part is, I have a choice of how I spend this time. Acknowledging the past and future has allowed me to focus on what is actually important and what will bring me joy. If I waste today, I could be destroying the last page of my life. 

Finding a Hobby

Recently, writing has been a hobby that gets me out of bed every morning. I started this blog for a few different reasons. But having this hobby that allows me to build something of my own and try to improve upon it.

Get Outside

No matter the weather, I try to spend at least 30 min outside everyday. Connecting with nature and the outside world can snap me out of a funk or give me perspective on a situation I am dealing with. I like to go for walk around a local park, or on the weekends, we go on AllTrails.com and take the kids to a long hike nearby. Sometimes I don’t even realize how nice it is outside until I force myself to open the door. Conversely, cold days make me really appreciate coming back in and sitting by the fireplace.

Exercise

I truly believe that sweating daily leads to a more positive, productive, enjoyable day. Even if the rest of the day I feel like being lazy, I know that I did at least one strenuous activity, and I give myself a pass. Exercise is also a great motivator in and of itself, because I can actually see the results in the mirror. With hard work, I can build a strong, able body that I am proud of.

Meditation

When I talk about the benefits of meditation to friends, I am often greeted with eye rolls or a dismissive “I’m glad that works for you”. I get it, I felt the same way. Sitting in silence for an extended period sounds boring and like a useless way to live. What changed my perspective was a practice of just noticing the world around me.

When walking down the street, I would notice a building that stood out, acknowledge it and move on. Or a car passing by with a dent in the bumper, acknowledge it and move on. The idea is to be more present in the now, vs lost in thought about past and future.

If I’m Wrong, Start Over

As in everything, it’s important to strike a balance in this way of thinking. With a wife, a mortgage, two kids and a dog, I have people (and animals) that rely on me for our future. I live for them, and they are my priority. I am not looking to take unnecessary risks because I might die tomorrow, but enriching my life now while building that future can happen at the same time.

I am going to appreciate today, and do something that I will be proud of.

If I am wrong and tomorrow comes, I will be grateful and start the process over again.