Becoming unshakable is something I fail at every single day, but I never stop trying. Life can be a bully throwing challenges, opportunities, frustrations, and excitements our way and waiting to see how we react.  Like most bullies, it gets pleasure out of messing with the people that overreact and keeps testing those individuals over and over.

But there is a formula to not only keep that bully from bothering you but turning the tables and making it work for you. If done correctly, this technique removes the bully label, and life becomes a powerful companion. 

Thickening the Skin

I’m pretty tough. I am cool and collected under pressure. I don’t let my ego run my life. Unless of course my son won’t eat the food I just made for him and asks,

“Why don’t you just make less disgusting meals?”

All dignity goes out the window. I become a frustrated, lecturing, petty individual. How dare he disrespect my authority! Does he know how much this mac ’n cheese cost this family? Do he even appreciate that I work for a living, and then find the time to make his ungrateful little…breathe.

I am not suggesting that you bury your emotions and not let people see you angry or be upset. Our feelings are an amazing feature of being alive, and we should understand and appreciate them. There is nothing wrong with vulnerability but raising your bar a little bit every day on what gets a reaction out of you, can give you a strong sense of control in your life. 

My Influencers

There are a few people in my life that are masters of this technique. Some are fictional (i.e. Don Corleone, Mufasa) but the real-life ones have had a significant impact on me, and I try to tap into their wisdom daily. 

My father exudes a quiet confidence that embodies this technique. My mother navigated the chaos of 5 children with a seemingly unshakable persona. Holding court at the age of 98 with the poise of a true leader, my grandmother will forever be on a pedestal.

Professionally I have had bosses that are approachable with any issue or question. This character trait allows for maximum productivity as a team works towards a common goal of success.  

I have had mentors that I can talk to openly about life’s biggest questions, and I know I will not be judged or criticized for my beliefs. 

These individuals exemplify strong, calm, confident leadership that I try to emulate, but some of my role models are not even human.

Nature has endless examples of how effective this approach to life can be in order to survive and thrive in the world. We watch a lot of wildlife programs in our house, and I love the life force that is the silverback gorilla. 

A physically gargantuan creature, this animal is ever present watching over the troop. Nothing trivial bothers him.  There can be family chaos happening all around him and he never seems phased. Many people think gorillas are distant fathers, but they are in fact very nurturing and gentle with their young. 

A complete package of strength and compassionate leadership; these animals can offer wisdom and act as a standard to live up to. 

Triggers

Understanding emotions can make a big impact on how we deal with them. There are certain trends that I have picked up on with my own reactions that I am now able to predict before they happen. There are times of the day that I have noticed my fuse being shorter. For example, when trying to get the boys dressed and ready for school on time, or ANYTHING having to do with an overflowing recycle bin.

I find that going into these situations with the expectation of them being frustrating, allows me to get ahead of the emotion and not be overtaken by it. 

Meditation

Meditation is all about accepting what is happening in your world. The mind is like a raging river. You will get swept away if you meddle too long near the surface. But if you are able to observe from the bed of the river and just watch the water flow by, you will be able to appreciate its beauty. Meditation acts as a workout for the mind in calming itself down and clearing space for more productive thoughts. Additionally, it has taught me a few tricks when dealing with tense situations. Outside of deep breaths, being able to tap into some tactics in a pinch help me get through potentially stressful moments so I can handle them more effectively. 

In a recent practice I did with Jeff Warren on the Calm app, he says;

“Equanimity is the skill of staying open and dignified amidst life’s surprises.  Whatever countervailing mood or opinion you may have inside you.”

Jeff Warren

Often times my ego is the culprit when I get frustrated. Having an opinion and needing it to be heard can get in the way of solving the larger issue. Having a firm(ish) grasp on these feelings gives me the best chance of a successful outcome in any situation.

Perspective

Think back to the last time you were mad about something. You might still have strong feelings towards that issue, but chances are those feelings have dimmed a bit since the heat of that moment. In fact, the emotions attached to that situation may have completely disappeared. Too much time and energy is spent on things that don’t matter, and if you remember that the next time emotions are high, it might help you calm down.

What’s the Point?

Becoming unshakable and getting life to work for me, not against me boils down to one main theme. The big picture. Identifying the big picture of each day, month, year, life helps break me out of the small insignificant tornados of emotion. Focus on whats important, and take what life throws at you in stride.