Don’t you have a birthday coming up? How is Maddie liking her new soccer team? Have you learned any new songs on that guitar of yours? Being genuinely interested in someone is a great way to connect. Going beyond conversations about the weather or how close we are to the weekend builds a relationship that will stand out.
I’ve talked about the importance of networking in a previous post, and mastering the art of conversation plays a huge roll in doing this effectively. Small talk will get you through the first gate of someone’s world, but if you want an invite to the main house, being able to connect on a deeper level helps a great deal.
In one of my favorite clips from The Office, Michael Scott explains how he color codes each rolodex card with client info. Most of this is to avoid putting his foot in his mouth, but the concept of this tactic is sound.
“Green means go, so I know to go ahead and shut up about it”
Michael Scott
This simple little hack will make every conversation you have more meaningful, memorable, and give you an edge in building relationships.
A Little Backup
Some people have fantastic memories and can put a name to the face of someone they met 10 years ago. Remembering specific facts about a person is admirable, but I suck at it. While memory is something that can be improved with practice, having a little backup can be helpful when talking to important clients or colleagues.
This cheatsheet hack can be used in any conversation over the phone. It may sound strange to take notes when talking to a friend, but I have always found it helpful in remembering specific details discussed. For the purposes of this article I will talk about it in the context of a sales call, but know that all of this can work in any relationship.
Connect with a Cheatsheet
Whenever I make a call, I like to have two documents open. One is about that client’s piece of business and the other is about the client specifically. These cheat sheets play two roles. They keep me organized and they give me an opportunity to cultivate a deeper connection with the people I’m speaking with. Ideally the personal cheat sheet is not necessary as the relationship grows, but starting out, or for people you don’t speak with often, they can be extremely helpful.
How to Get Started
You probably know more than you think you do about the people you interact with. Start by getting a stack of index cards, or open an excel document. Each card or tab should represent someone you interact with. Add in basic info like name, title, company, address. Next, add in anything you already know about the person. Social media and sites like LinkedIn can be very helpful as well. Here are a few key topics I like to focus on:
Birthdays
Just about everyone likes their birthday, and for those who do not, this might be an important date to not bring up in conversation. Bonus tip; for those who do enjoy their birthday, send a birthday text or even better an actual card.
Family Names and Events
Knowing the names of a person’s children goes a long way in a conversation. Most parents spend a lot of time thinking about or dealing with situations revolving around their children. Connecting on a more personal level helps to dig a little deeper in understanding what is important to someone.
Upcoming Milestones
Graduations, weddings, new baby. These are life changing events that consume people’s days outside of their job. Tapping into these milestones allows you to share your experiences and build a richer connection.
Interests Outside of Work
Is there a hidden talent that is unique to this person? Something that makes them a little more interesting than the rest? I love learning that someone has a hobby that I know nothing about. I remember learning that a co-worker was on a college juggling team. What?! Thats a thing? It immediately sparked 30 questions and I wanted to dive in headfirst. Chances are, they’re excited to share.
Important Life Events
Milestones are important but knowing the not so positive events can be even more vital in a conversation. A death in the family or another loss is helpful to know and remember. Nothing dampens the mood more than asking about the beloved family dog that passed away a year ago.
Get Interested
Once you have the basic info on the person, it’s time for the phone call.
It’s important that at least some of the interactions are over the phone or in person vs email. Written word tends to be read in a negative tone, and the back and forth of an actual conversation leads to much more substance.
Active listening and genuine curiosity are key when trying to connect with someone. Asking for more information about something the person is passionate about can help them open up. Tapping into that openness will enrich the conversation and hopefully the relationship as well.
Who, what, where are great starter questions. Why can come off as accusatory, so I try to use it sparingly. The goal is to make the person feel comfortable sharing their life with you.
Review the Info
After each conversation, I like to quickly review any new info I added to the person’s profile and organize it. This helps me absorb the new details, and prepares me for our next conversation.
Set Yourself Apart
To truly connect with people, extra effort is necessary. If you are able to work these tactics into your everyday routine, you will set yourself apart from the rest.
